| The Funniest Newspaper Column in the Country Hogspore News National Society of Newspaper Columnists 2008 First Place Humor Column |
| 03-30-2020 Hogspore News By Clet Litter from the Ozarks Bertram, Duncan Winslow’s mule, is going to be out for a while. Duncan is deciding on which of his eight children is gonna pull the plow while the mule is recuperating. Winslow’s wife weren’t included in the plowing selection pool, since she’s always abundantly with child. Nobody knows which youngin will be pulling the plow. Duncan keeps changing his mind daily about which offspring is out of favor. Are you wondering what’s up with the mule? I told you that other stuff to get you anxious to know more. Them TV shows do that before a commercial comes on. But I don’t expect you to understand that cause you’re not in the media business the way I am. See, I’m still doing it, keeping you waiting to hear what happened to Bertram. Bertram had a hip replacement. It was one of his hind hips. Those are the first to wear out. Doc Muley performed the operation with the help of Skooter’s Shade Tree Repair Service. He’s the one with the winch and pulley system for replacing auto and truck engines in his backyard. Doc Muley inserted a joint renovation he bought off the internet. Mumford Pickens administered the anesthesia, thanks to his exotic brew that mules and people enjoy. There was a tense moment in the backyard procedure when the internet hip didn’t fit properly. Skooter saved the day when he substituted a used left front strut from his pile of tractor parts. April Fool’s Day is Wednesday. Most folks here won’t be celerbrating or cracking their own Jokes. We’ll watch TV on the first of the month for the 24-hour guvernment updates that tell us what we can do for the next 15 days. I ain’t complaining about it, though. I’m getting a lotta good naptime in. Here’s something to get your spouse chuckling. If you got children or pets, make sure they’re in the room with you. As you say this, stand and pretend that you’re a model that waves a hand across the big prize showcase that is up for bid on “The Price Is Right.” She’ll laugh, but maybe cry later, when you announce, “Honey, after I’m gone, this will all be yours.” You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. WWW.Hogspore.com Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff. Contact: BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com Largo, Florida 727-596-3458 |
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