| The Funniest Newspaper Column in the Country Hogspore News National Society of Newspaper Columnists 2008 First Place Humor Column |
| 09-16-2019 Hogspore News By Clet Litter from the Ozarks No green tea in emergency kit, Couple been married five years or more Most wives will pack an emergency kit with bandages, medicines, and food. That way, you can get out of town in a hurry. Punkin had one of these already done up, but she was refreshing it with new items. I noticed that she had added black tea bags. She makes herself a cup every day. I have black tea everyday myself but I also add a green tea bag. You can tell when a couple has been married more than five years cause there won’t be any green tea in the emergency kit. Before I get up in the mornings, I do my stretches. The last one I do is a full body stretch. I call it the cat stretch. After that, I get out of bed. I set the stretched cat down on the floor, and he feels better too. Walter Clangster’s been dating the Miniver conjoined twins, Mabel and Mavis, about six months. He said, “They broke up with me yesterday. It’s over. I guess them two conjoined twins are gonna go their separate ways. I appreciate that they tried to spare my feelings when they said, ‘It’s not you, it’s us.’” Here’s some Asian trivia. Be sure to check for any tariffs that you need pay before you pass these facts on. Mumford Pickens says, “Several experts give credit to Confucius for saying, ‘One who daydreams at night is a fool.’ Confucius never uttered those words … because he didn’t speak English. He also didn’t say, ‘An ambitious man who naps not, leaves a young widow.’” Yoko Ono inspired her husband, John Lennon, to write the song, Imagine. She was kidding around with John and said, “Can you Imagine? What if I had a sister named Kim? Kim Ono?” What did folks say when the Buddha died? Rest Zen Peace. You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. WWW.Hogspore.com Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff. Contact: BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com Largo, Florida 727-596-3458 |
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