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2008 First Place Humor Column
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
The Equally Challenged Rodeo is coming to the Muleberry County Fairgrounds this Saturday. This year the theme is
Aberrant Animals and Crazy Cowboys. Shock Therapy, the bull that nobody’s been able to ride, is the main attraction.
There will be some tough circuit riding hombres plus the normal amount of local broncos to try to teach Shock Therapy
some manners. An ambulance will be available at the gate if any of the professionals get hurt. A priest will be there for a few
of the Hogspore greenhorns. You can spot our boys cause they’ll be wearing the new jeans and boots.
The show announced that the cowboys will be lunatics. We don’t have any real proof that they’re out of their minds,
cept that they are rodeo performers, so that’s close enough.
There’s a seminar this weekend in town with a Mena, Arkansas doctor who specializing in stem cell treatments. Dr. Letmee
Aclone claims he can fix your hip or knee and cure your Arthritis, Diabetes, and Hangnails. He treats you with your own parts.
That oughta keep his inventory costs low.
The Big Boy Restaurant in the Town Rectangle is hosting the seminar. This is gonna conflict with the rodeo, but maybe the
buckaroo losers can persuade Dr. Aclone to reattach an arm or ear later.
Morton Trubletoof ain’t going to attend the Cell Talk and Dinner. He said, “I like most of the restaurant’s food but I’m not
sitting down to eat a hot plate of steaming stem spores.”
We ran a Citizen in the Street question last week asking, “What can you do to improve your city?” The best answer we got
was from Hardy Barkins, who said, “I believe I could make the city better if I was to move away.”
Mumford Pickens says, “You know you’re living in a bad neighborhood when you have 911 on your phone’s speed dial.”
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