|The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column
in Rural USA
By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
We got a new Mom and Pop market in town what sells a few groceries, beer, wine, snacks, and bags
of ice. It don’t claim to have everything you need. Check out the new A to B Store.
Punkin asked me to take out the trash last night. On my way out of the house, I got to thinking
about my old school-days. I started liking girls in the fourth grade. That might sound a might young to
some of you, but you gotta know that by my third year in the fourth grade, I was 14 years old. When I
made it to the sixth grade, taking out the trash meant going out on a date with Luella Davidson.
We all welcomed in fall last Friday. The daylight’s getting shorter every day and the men are starting
to add on fat for the long winter naps that are coming. The Muleberry County Fair that starts this Friday is
gonna help with the extra sustenance we’re gonna need. Bring on them Corn Dogs and Elephant Ears.
They’re capitalized out of respect.
The Fair’s got a special booth set up for the menfolk and boys who are suffering from heartburn.
They got free antacid bubble drinks; I can’t say Alka Seltzer cause it’s a brand name like Kleenex, I mean
facial tissues. There’s also insulin injections, no charge, for them affected folks that want to enjoy the
fried food and not faint.
This County Fair has a lotta new rides, specially for the older folks. I can’t wait to get Momma on
The Wild Sloth. It moves along about 2 miles per hour at heights of up to two feet. The good part is that
the thriller lasts three hours so the town’s adult grandchildren get to dump off Gramma for a while.
I was watching some Hollywood news. The descendants of Lassie, the movie dog, are working at
some Bed and Breakfast establishments as Boarder Collies in El Paso.
You can contact Clet at email@example.com
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.