| The Funniest Newspaper Column in the Country Hogspore News National Society of Newspaper Columnists 2008 First Place Humor Column |
| 09-24-2018 Hogspore News from the Ozarks By Clet Litter Folks are starting to feel the excitement from the opening of the Muleberry County Fair this Saturday. Buford Falterhouse announced that he seen a convoy of food wagons and trucks parked overnight at the rest stop on Highway 71 last night. He tried to get a sampling of Corn Dogs, Bag-O-Onion Rings, and Elephant Ears, but the ovens and fryers were cold. Don’t tell me not to capitalize these treats; I do it out of respect. Big news in Mena, Arkansas. A new Golden Corral Restaurant is going up. That’s a three-hour trip from here, but like most men, I’ve driven longer for less, in my time. I still sense the pull of an all-you-can-eat buffet, but that was a life style from another era. I call it my indiscretion period. At one point, I was the unofficial all-you-can-eat buffet performance artist in Muleberry County. There was many a young buck that came gunning for me, but they ended up out back, kneeling over the loser’s bucket. Here’s my problem: The Golden Corral invited me to perform my signature interactive performance art at their grand opening. I hung up my prize platter years ago. Part of me says no, but my stomach says yes. Preacher wasn’t much help. He was so excited about it that he offered to drive me to Mena, if he could be my assistant. Golden Corral called and wanted an answer. I told them I didn’t know yet. Then they added another carrot to the pot. After the show, I could take home the life-sized cardboard cutout of Jeff Foxworthy. I’m gonna make my decision after I figure out if I have a proper respectable place to display it, and if Punkin will let me keep it in the house. The Hogspore Middle School 7th grade history class had a contest to write a short poem about the Civil War. Here’s Elvin Spinkbasket’s winning entry, The South Lost; Get Over It: Are you ever cranky Or cry when you get a spanky? Better walk it off with a hanky Cause Johnny Reb got whupped by a Yankee. You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com WWW.Hogspore.Com Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff. Contact: Bob Simpson Largo, Florida 727-596-3458 BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com |
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