| The Funniest Newspaper Column in the Country Hogspore News National Society of Newspaper Columnists 2008 First Place Humor Column |
| 08-20-2018 Hogspore News from the Ozarks By Clet Litter The Equally Challenged Rodeo is coming to the Muleberry County Fairgrounds this Saturday. This year the theme is Aberrant Animals and Crazy Cowboys. Shock Therapy, the bull that nobody’s been able to ride, is the main attraction. There will be some tough circuit riding hombres plus the normal amount of local broncos to try to teach Shock Therapy some manners. An ambulance will be available at the gate if any of the professionals get hurt. A priest will be there for a few of the Hogspore greenhorns. You can spot our boys cause they’ll be wearing the new jeans and boots. The show announced that the cowboys will be lunatics. We don’t have any real proof that they’re out of their minds, cept that they are rodeo performers, so that’s close enough. There’s a seminar this weekend in town with a Mena, Arkansas doctor who specializing in stem cell treatments. Dr. Letmee Aclone claims he can fix your hip or knee and cure your Arthritis, Diabetes, and Hangnails. He treats you with your own parts. That oughta keep his inventory costs low. The Big Boy Restaurant in the Town Rectangle is hosting the seminar. This is gonna conflict with the rodeo, but maybe the buckaroo losers can persuade Dr. Aclone to reattach an arm or ear later. Morton Trubletoof ain’t going to attend the Cell Talk and Dinner. He said, “I like most of the restaurant’s food but I’m not sitting down to eat a hot plate of steaming stem spores.” We ran a Citizen in the Street question last week asking, “What can you do to improve your city?” The best answer we got was from Hardy Barkins, who said, “I believe I could make the city better if I was to move away.” Mumford Pickens says, “You know you’re living in a bad neighborhood when you have 911 on your phone’s speed dial.” You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. WWW.Hogspore.Com Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff. Contact: Bob Simpson Largo, Florida 727-596-3458 BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com |
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