| The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column in the Known World. Hogspore News |
| 07-24-2017 The Hogspore News By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson Ebben Flow from the Hogspore Water Department completed his annual review of Clear Creek. “All the tests were normal. The wildlife living in the area and all the fish appear to be in fine shape and somewhat tasty. The frogs are doing great. Even the tadpoles are mighty motile.” Ebben also teaches a class at the middle school on Wildlife Reproduction. He added, “I conducted several observations throughout the month of June. I want to assure all the good citizens of Hogspore, and most of the bad ones, that Clear Creek continues to move downhill as gravity apparently dictates.” During the city meeting, Ebben Flow denied an accusation from the audience that his month-long water study had actually been a city-paid fishing vacation. Mumford Pickens was telling me about a TV show. “I like to watch the public broadcasting channel while I’m cooking my solar-powered still all day. Yesterday, I took in a documentary on burritos. They were the first hand-held prepared food in Mexico. Grasshoppers were the first unprepared hand-held food. Some say grasshoppers taste a lot like young locusts. The Aztec women hated to wash dishes, mostly cause their clay plates usually melted in the dishwater. This doesn’t mean that Aztec men liked to clean the plates, although they never did mind drying any that had not disappeared. The women would roll up a tortilla with mashed beans. There was some confusion for a while until everybody figured out not to roll the beans up in a tortoise. I knew the show was ending when the director of The History of Burrito Making yelled, ‘That’s a wrap.”’ This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support of our troops. You can contact Clet at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. WWW.Hogspore.Com Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff. Contact: Bob Simpson Largo, Florida 727-596-3458 BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com |
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