|The Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Country
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
2008 First Place Humor Column
By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
Grade Point Average Starts with a Decimal
The Barbershop Think Tank Boys were at it again. Here’s what they come up with
when they were discussing nothing in particular: What is a common number that first
starts with a decimal point? Hogspore High School’s overall grade point average. History
lesson. A1 Steak Sauce went on sale in this country in 1862. After the Civil War was over,
A1 Steak Sauce helped Jefferson Davis hide the taste of crow. Too soon?
Unlocal News: Vandals broke into a New Orleans park and caused 10,000 dollars
worth of damage to a carousel. The police are looking for suspects. A local Yoga
instructor offered his solution, “Karma will handle those carousel vandals cause, what
goes around, comes around.” Here’s why the press interviewed this feller. He was there
when the incident occurred, so the Yoga instructor was in a position to witness the
Mumford Pickens was remembering how he treated his last ex-wife, after they
divorced. “She kept on harping at me for a year after the divorce. Finally, I begged
her to stop bothering me. She got a ton of alimony and still, with the nagging. So,
I gave her forwarding address to the visiting church ladies who drop by once a month.
I’m real sure that I never told her I did that.
It’s getting close to the national election for president. There’s a lotta talk about who
the winner will be. Now is probably a good time to ask you NOT to write in my name for
president of the United States. I appreciate the support, but really, I couldn’t do the job.
Even though some folks are gonna write in somebody, again, please not me. This is not
some kinda reverse psychology thing. Vote for someone that you would like to see in
If you want to know who I’m voting for, email me at the address at the end of this fine
report. In the subject line, put, “I promise not to hate Clet Litter if I don’t agree with his
You can contact Clet Litter at email@example.com.
to you each week. No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.
Largo, Florida 33770