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                                                                        Hogspore News
                                                          By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
                                              Making sure census numbers match IRS returns

        Whilst I’m writing this Hogspore News update, Punkin is out in the front yard trimming
    shrubbery. I need to close the blinds, so I won’t have to watch her clipping away when I’m
    inside toiling away with a heavy pencil and paper. I suggested that she stop, relax, or even
    take a nap. Nope, those scraggly bushes, that have needed pruning for two weeks, deserve
    some attention NOW.

        She’s done with the landscaping activity, so I can finally get back to laboring over this
    report without feeling guilty. She seems fine with me not helping. When she come into the
    house, I asked, “Well, are you bushed?” She didn’t smile like she normally does when I
    make a real clever joke.

        I got a notice from the Census Bureau that we could fill out their form online. Course,
    Winslow’s Hollerians didn’t receive the same letter. It’s not cause they don’t have internet
    service. The reason is that the guvernment don’t trust em. They want to identify every
    person living in the home. They’re sending an inspector out, once they can find an
    employee to volunteer for the job.  

        Duncan Winslow says, “Our people are suspicious of the Feds. It’s a crime if we lie to
    the guvernment, but they can ‘misspeak’ to us.”

        Ten years ago, the citizens built a secret trail in the back of their properties. They used it
    to shuttle a bunch of boys and girls from farm to farm when the census taker passed
    through. After the feller counted the children, the kids would run out to the next home.
    Kinda fortunate that the kids looked like they were somewhat related. The body counter,
    no it ain’t a recent horror movie, never noticed that they were clones.  

        The local folks want to be certain that their number of family members was the
    identical number that they entered on their income tax returns every year. They think the
    IRS shares the information. Us patriotic stock knows that’s not true, but we do know that
    them Holler folks are suspicious.

        This time, the population people are wise to the old ways, so each family is gonna offer
    a quart of Moonshine as a gift to the Fed numbers guy for every child he registers that he
    can’t see. The residents are hoping that with some constant sipping on the gifts that the
    inspector will soon actually start to see those children … that aren’t really there.

       This week, Mumford Pickens doesn’t have anything to say. He’s been working late into
    the night brewing enough untaxed gifts to sell to the residents of the Holler.  

        You can contact Clet Litter at


        Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be
    delivered to you each week.

        No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.

        Largo, Florida
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