|The Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Country
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
2008 First Place Humor Column
By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
Hogspore parade promises unique floats
The Christmas Parade kicks off Saturday morning. Hogspore businesses will offer their own
individual floats. Folks are keeping quiet about what each theme is but most of us figure that
Bucker’s Flower Shop will probably have flowers on it. We all hope that Nathan’s Plumbing and
Service offers something more tasteful than last year’s “Salute to Two-ply Tissue Capacity.”
This coming Monday begins Diversity Week. We’re still looking for an atheist-wedding
planner and a lady blacksmith to round out the citizens that we celebrate. Mayor Ringer
added, “If possible, it would be nice to find just one person that fits both categories.”
Experts now admit that you don’t have to unplug an electric appliance when you’re not using
it, to save money. The pros claim that most modern appliances burn very little juice when not
in use. It’s not worth the trouble to pull the plug. That’s welcome news for relatives in the
hospital on life support machines.
Morton Trubletoof was holding court in Tony’s Barbershop about what happened to him on
social media. I’m not saying the name of the social media, cause I think they might be watching
me. Morton said, “I signed on to that website where you can be friends with folks. I seen a
post from an old high school buddy. He was ranting on about a crooked politician, but he
didn’t mention what the feller did wrong.
I sent a message supporting the baby kisser since I never heard about him doing anything
bad and I enjoyed his fish fry campaign rallies. Well, my friend become real mad and called me
names. He said I was stupid, (which I ain’t denying). Why did my friend act like that, cause of
what I wrote?”
Tony offered his take on it, “Morton, it looks like you were the victim of Wrote Rage.”
Mumford Pickens says, “Sometimes, I get homesick for places that I have never been to.”
Happy 21st birthday to my daughter, Hannah.
You can contact Clet Litter at email@example.com.
Just click on the e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered
to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.