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Hogspore News
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
2008 First Place Humor Column
                                                                          07-01-2019
                                                       Hogspore News from the Ozarks
                                                                     By Clet Litter
                                               Hogspore News celebrates anniversary

   Hogspore News from the Ozarks by the artist formerly known as Bob Simpson.
Hogspore News begins its 13th year.

   Our town ain’t gonna officially celerbrate the 12th anniversary of this report. Mayor Ringer
spent the entire city coffers on the Independence Day Hollerday. He did promise to reserve
Main Street for twenty minutes while my dog, Ol Slump, ambles through the city with a CD
player on his back playing a JPS march. Ask your great grand pappy who JPS was.

   We are ready for Fourth of July festivities. Mayor Ringer snagged a deal on out of date
fireworks at a Homeland Security rummage sale. The sign said everything must go, but
nothing was actually guaranteed to go off.

   Old Man Grimely’s wedding anniversary with his bride is also on the fourth. He’s so along in
years that he don’t come with any guarantees either. Mrs. Grimely is so much more youthful
than her husband is but nobody knows exactly how much younger. She was born in Hawaii,
and they can’t find her birth certificate.

   Sunday, Preacher announced, “The Ladies of the Church are looking for help with their
quilt-making program. There was some bickering a while back among the members, but they
patched things up. Anyone with quilting skills is invited to sign on. The sessions, (bees), will be
held in the home of Sister Elizabeth Clothman. She lives outside of town on the side of
Choptoff Hill. Please join, if you are sew inclined.”
 
   We got a weekend farmer’s market. Farmers and backyard gardeners are welcome.
Local farmer, Cal E. Flours coordinates the event, and he has a special warning for folks
who bring produce to sell, “We don’t need any more Zucchini. Everybody grows too much
of it, and we don’t have room for the stuff. We even used some unripe ones for tent stakes.
Enough with the Zucchini.”  

   July is Hot Dog Month, Ice Cream Month, and Deli Sandwich Month, basically, In Your Face,
Vegans Month.

   You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com.

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   Contact:
   BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com
   Largo, Florida
   727-596-3458
                    
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