|The Funniest Newspaper Column
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National Society of Newspaper Columnists
2008 First Place Humor Column
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Tilt-A-Whirl a logistic problem
The Muleberry County Fair is cranking out mounds of country goodness
entertainment. There was a problem on the first day. The Fair Chief, Cecil Carney,
called it a “logistical” problem, but that was only to make him sound important.
Carney explained, “It seemed like a good idea at the time to position the Tilt-A-
Whirl amusement ride next to the Chili Cheese Steak booth. The food tent is now on
the other side of the vittles vendors. We were going to relocate it to the middle of the
midway but the directions were gonna be too confusing: Midway in the Midway.
The area around the rough rousing ride has a fresh 4-inch layer of sawdust.
Be careful; the ground is still mushy from the Tilt-A-Whirl patrons who sampled the
Chili Cheese Steaks, onion rings, and a soda before they climbed onto the Shake-Em-Up-
Joe course. There were members of the county committee who wanted to leave
everything just the way it was and rename it, Tilt-A-Hurl.”
Mumford Pickens asked if he could add his recipe for Grizzly Bear to the Hogspore
News. We ain’t gonna do it cause of the Endangered Species Law against harvesting
listed animals. It’s OK to eat a Grizzly Bear; it’s just that the countywide purveyor of
untaxed whiskey, Mumford, himself, is the one on the Endangered Species list.
If you need the recipe, you’ll have to get it directly from him: Out Door Grillzly
Hogspore’s Sundries and Notions wanted to change their title to Leftovers and
Leavings. The Chamber of Commerce recommended that they keep their original name.
They said that it might be misleading cause Leftovers and Leavings would get a lotta
phone calls from folks looking for a smart divorce lawyer.
International report: The US Olympics Curling team has high expectations for
the next Olympics. Coach Kurt Slurrybarker said, "We hope to take the Gold Medal in
Curling with a clean sweep.”
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