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2008 First Place Humor Column
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
County negotiating for Martina McGroom concert
It’s not too early to start planning for the Muleberry County Fair, what begins on Saturday, September 29, 2018. Mayor
Ringer says that the county is negotiating for country singer Martina McGroom to give a three-hour concert on opening night.
She will do a few classics from her soon-to-be released Christmas collection, Martina Sings Burl Ives.
Manny’s Lion Jungle out on Highway 71 is trying to increase their cat population. There are now allowing the males and
females to visit each other on Sundays. They call it Conjungle Visits.
Manny says, “Stop by for a cup of coffee and soup with an exotic meat sandwich in our Safari Cafe. On Sundays, we have
a very adult style brunch in front of the coed cat compound. The success of the lion propagation program fills us with pride.”
Old Man Grimely don’t like to spend money on his health and well-being. He’s getting so deaf that he finally bought a
preowned hearing aid from Lester Plumlee’s estate sale for 15 dollars. It was 25, but he got it down to 15 after he pointed
out that there was earwax still hanging on it.
Trouble is, before Lester passed on, Mrs. Plumlee had constantly nagged her husband for fifty years. Grimely is complaining
that he’s picking up the widow’s auditory leftover harpings that are still stored in the listening device.
Grimely used to go to the Church for the Hearing Impaired. That’s the church where the 45-member choir sings the
hymns in sign language. The Soprano section stands on ladders in the back, so they can reach the high notes.
Rapper Two Pot Pie is visiting his brother, Hardy Barkins. He’s taking some time off after releasing his latest album and
before he goes on tour. 2 PP is suffering from depression cause he don’t feel angry anymore. Two Pot Pie said, “I can’t write
any more rap songs until I get mad again.”
Hardy added, “2 PP is gonna take a month to fish every day. He knows that fishing will get him riled up cause he
never … ever catches fish.”
Duncan Winslow’s prize mule, shared a secret with Duncan. Bertram claims that he identifies now as a donkey with
burro tendencies. All he wants to do is watch reruns of Hee Haw and book a bus trip out to the Grand Canyon for some hiking.
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