|The Funniest Newspaper Column
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2008 First Place Humor Column
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
GPS trial only takes you half way
A few of my friends have the GPS installed in their trucks. Me and Punkin sprung for a trial plan. It’s just the GP. If we
like it, we’ll upgrade to add the S. But, for now, it gets us halfway to where we want to go.
We set the GP to track the nearest barbeque stand and it took us straight to a halfway house. At least we could spend
some time there with Cousin Buckster Midsmith.
Doc Spicer is running a medical study with aches and pains sufferers. If you have Rheumatism, you can enroll in his
experiment. He will pay you to join and give out medicine to see if you get better.
Doc says that half of the patients will receive Placebos, but he won’t let on which folks they are. I tried to look up the
pharmacy company named Placebo, but I couldn’t find them. I’m beginning to think that Placebos might not be real pills.
Congratulations to the child in Columbus, Kansas who read 200 books in one month and seven days. She’s on target to
get through 1,000 books before kindergarten.
I don’t remember too much about my own kindergarten cept that I had a lotta good times in the four years I was stuck there.
I know I hadn’t read any books yet, but I mighta chewed on five of them.
Hogspore ran out of funds in the budget for parks. We only have enough money to purchase one-half of a seesaw.
City Council is pondering whether to buy a see or a saw. They can’t decide and are still up in the air on it.
Mumford Pickens asks, “How old do you have to be to use the word dillydally?”
I hope you had a fun and thoughtful Memorial Day.
Frank Mazariegos, Marine Lance Corporal, Rest In Peace. December 29, 1947-June 27, 1967.
You can contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
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