The Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Country
Hogspore News
                                                                                   Hogspore News from the Ozarks
                                                                                                        By Clet Litter
                                                                              Two dollars will get your clock changed

      Set your clocks forward one hour on 03-11-2018 for Day Light Saving Time. For two dollars a clock, Morton Trubletoof will
come to your house and move the time ahead for you. He has a full year package for three dollars that includes him returning
in November to reset the clock back an hour.

      There’s a budget bargain for a buck where he doesn’t go to your home. It’s worth it to guarantee that you don’t have to deal
with him at all.

      I know that’s a lot of information on Morton, but I like to bring you in-depth news and not just the fluff items.

      Sheriff Riley is cleaning his four jail cells for St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday, March 17. One of the cells is extra roomy to
accommodate the Kearney family from Winslow’s Holler. The sentence for disorderly conduct is a month in the pokey, so the
sheriff has moved in some school desks for the Kearney youngins to keep up with their homeschooling while incarcerated.
      The confinement includes a once-a-week field trip out to Highway 71 to pick up trash. The kids always like to get out for
some fresh highway traffic air. They have fun wearing those bright orange costumes with the green shamrock and playing with
the pointy pickup sticks.

      Hogspore has a roofing company called O’Toole’s. They are proud of their Irish heritage, so they wear kilts on the roof.
They re-shingled Mumford Pickens' house last week. Mumford said, “They did a real fine job and made certain they cleaned up
and got the nails out of the yard. One thing though, don’t ever offer to hold the ladder for the kilt-wearing crew.”   

      There’s now a diet to help fight depression. The plan concentrates on less meat, less pasta, more fruit, and more vegetables.
It don’t work if you’re too depressed cause you can’t afford to buy the proper food. When I didn’t see jelly doughnuts on the
list, I got mighty depressed just thinking about it.

      Sammule, my plow mule and sometimes best friend, (when my dog or wife are mad at me), wasn’t eating for a week.
I mighta given him too many oats when he was toiling so hard and being nice. There was a lack of manure in the barn so
Sammule was probably holding things to himself.

      We took him off the rich oats and give him a double dose of MetaMuleCil. Then he started producing again for the compost
pile. Now he’s back to his own clippity cloppity ploppity self.  

      You can contact Clet Litter at


Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.

Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida
web log free