|The Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Country
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Peaceful President's Day celebration held
Hogspore celerbrated President’s Day by trying not to remember any presidents. It was most peaceful and there weren’t
any arguments about politics.
Bring Your Mule to Work Day transitioned smoothly into history without a problem. We all loved the Mules on Parade
at 5 PM as they clip-clopped out of town, back to their loved ones at home.
Disturbing reports, however, are coming in from several mules that say they were harassed and abused. They claim that
horses have been belittling them by mocking their mulish ways and bizarre ears. They call their group #Mule Too. This probably
will die down cause they can’t tweet.
Larry from Larry’s Assisted Living Facility and Funeral Home wants you to know about the variety of final services he offers.
His gift cards, sold in the lobby, state, “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Try cremation, if you’re in a rush.”
Larry added, “We have moved the big oven to another part of the complex and it is no longer located in the cafeteria
kitchen. Many thanks go out to the health inspector for pointing that out to us. We do regret that we have removed our special
brick-oven homemade pizza from the menu.”
I waited for over an hour before Doc Spicer gave me my annual physical. His waiting room magazines are so ancient that
I got to read an article about the latest wonder drug, Penicillin.
Doc Spicer brags that he delivered my Grandpappy. He didn’t really. He just remembers that he did. I am healthy enough
now to take advantage of extended warranties available from stores.
Quin’s Pet Store and Sporadic Wildlife is having a sale this week on Shy Parrots. They can learn to talk but it takes them
a week to get up the nerve to ask for a cracker. They also do not like their cages lined with out-of-date Col Sanders Kentucky
Fried Chicken coupons.
Mumford Pickens says, “Always be kind to your phlebotomist.”
You can contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.