|The Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Country
Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Hogspore should be renamed 'Celerbration'
I already took care of procuring Punkin’s Valentine gift. She’s getting a big ol five-pound canister of her favorites, Chocolate
Covered Cherries. I don’t favor them, so I’m gonna earn credibility points. I picked up a bag of Mounds chocolate coconut bars
for myself that are conveniently hidden stored in my insulated truck’s glove box.
We should rename our fair city “Celerbration” cause of the heap of hollerdays we honor in Hogspore. Bring Your Mule
to Work Day is coming up on the 16th. For many employees, it’s also Casual Friday, so the visiting farm animals can turn out in
flip-flops, but thongs are always on the No-Wear list for mules and personnel, unless you’re Mayor Ringer’s latest secretary.
If his secretary is also a mule, then it’s a no go. The Mayor ain’t subject to the apparel rules, so … if he wants to and
sometimes he does, Mayor Ringer can still sport a spiffy strop.
My wife tapes the Oprah Winfrey Super Soul Sunday TV program and views it later using that recording deal that we got.
First off, I gotta tell you that on the rare occasion when Punkin criticizes me, she always starts out by saying, “I don’t mean this
in a bad way, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
We watched two hours of shows. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but Oprah and her guest inspired me so much that I had to
take a nap.
The Generic Feminine Protection Factory up on Clear Creek closed for their annual month vacation for workers. Everyone
enjoys 28 days of paid rest. The company president said, “This is an opportunity for our crew to spend an extended period with
their families and maybe travel out of town if they like, basically it is a great time for them to relax and unplug.”
Mumford Pickens says, “We’re put here on this earth to help move it on down the line.”
You can contact Clet Litter at email@example.com.
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.