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Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Good penmanship mans keeping the hogs in
Tomorrow is National Handwriting Day but folks here ain’t much for celerbrating. Good penmanship
in our town means keeping the hogs from running away.
Me and Punkin were watching the TV show, House Hunters. That’s where a couple looks at
three houses and decides which property to buy. Usually the wife walks into the living room and says,
“I’m really not a fan of the carpet.”
The real estate agent says, “Well, this home is under budget, so you have money left over to install
The wife replies, “Yeah, but I don’t want to have to live through a construction zone for two days.”
When they reach the master bathroom, the wife says, “Oh look Joe, just a single sink. We need two
sinks, so we can both get ready at the same time in the morning.”
What you never hear is, “Oh look Joe, there’s only one toilet.”
Hogspore First Non-Denominational Church of Backsliders and Mid-Week Sinners is cooking up a
fish fry this coming Saturday with Catfish, hush puppies, corn around the cob, and plate-size buttermilk
Morton Trubletoof wanted to make sure that there would be plenty of genuine wholesome butter,
so I answered him, “Is the Vatican in Rome?”
He said, “I don’t know, but is there gonna be butter at the fish fry?”
I sez, “Does a bear poop in the woods?”
“Yes, but is there gonna be butter at the church supper?”
I sez, “Yes.”
Then Morton said, “Great, but what’s a Vatican?”
I’m dedicating this column to Danny Baker of Columbus, Kansas for the best New Year’s goal,
“To do as little as possible this year.” If you’re ever in Hogspore, I’ll buy you a dozen jelly doughnuts.
You can contact Clet Litter at email@example.com
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