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Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Rolling pumpkins off courthouse roof
Hogspore brought in 2018 with the Pumpkin Roll off the courthouse roof at midnight, New Year’s
Eve. Hardy Barkins donated this year’s 2500-pound guest sacrifice, so he got the honor of rolling the
heavy squash over the side. He had to use a backhoe to move it. Unfortunately, the heavy digger and
Hardy followed the pumpkin down onto the parking lot.
Seems like Mr. Barkins is living right cause the excavator was a new model with an airbag. The force
of the squash meeting the pavement and the backhoe landing on top caused custard to splash out over
three-square blocks of town. The seeds just kept going and are probably germinating somewhere out in
Jimmy Suspenders got his wife a new water-purifying pitcher for Christmas. He said, “She’s always
complaining about how bad the water tastes. Maybe I shoulda dug our well a little deeper and not next
to the septic tank.
I wrapped up the package real special for Sara. Come Christmas Eve, she’s shouting at me from
the front room. Something happened under the Christmas tree, something that I hadn’t planned on
She musta picked up her present and shook it to guess what it was. My beautiful present was
pouring out liquid and getting the rug wet. I mopped up the floor and dumped the offering in a bucket.
Monday morning, Sara pulled all the wet wrapping off her package and, right off, refilled the pitcher.
I was happy about her additional last minute gift for me.
My extra bonus was a Fancy Dan arm sling and it looks good with anything I wear. I’m gonna miss
wearing it once my now dry, but still broken, arm heals.”
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