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Hogspore News from the Ozarks
By Clet Litter
Don’t take slips of paper out of the puns bowl
Here’s a hollerday party warning from Mumford Pickens. “There might be a large glass bowl on the
buffet table full of little slips of paper. Do not take one and read it; they are all bad jokes … from the
deadly Puns Bowl.”
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Folks around here are moving slow after the big hollerday
dinners yesterday. No one is gonna make any plans or financial decisions until tomorrow. The never-
ending supply of yesterday’s hot cloverleaf rolls and real butter temporarily lowered Hogspore’s IQ by
twenty points, a real big percentage to lose for some of us.
The town is finally settling into the new century since nobody unwrapped a George Foreman grill
Hogspore finished off Diversity Week last Saturday night. We drove on the left side of the streets
that week and cooked our scrambled eggs with the eggshells. All the dumb school kids got A’s and the
smart ones, well we really don’t have any smart ones, so everybody got A’s.
Them good grades can probably get them all into college, at least for the first semester.
Bickum’s Hardware will have the Nativity scene in the store window through the rest of the year.
Folks were complaining that one of the Wise Men’s present was missing. Turns out, Joseph re-gifted
Mean Harley Spears was griping that something took out his new drone late Christmas Eve. He was
monitoring to make sure Santa didn’t come down the chimney with presents for his children. There was
still gifts for the kids the next morning, but nothing for Harley.
His drone was lying on the roof. It looked like some kinda hoofed beast had stomped that sucker flat.
When Harley got up there to inspect the damage, he stepped in a pile of reindeer scat.
Mayor Ringer come out of the palatial Mayor’s House, (it has two bathrooms, both inside), to wish
all the town’s citizens and non-citizens who live outside this newspaper column, a Happy New Year
You can contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.