|The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column
in Rural USA
By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Library fees reason for family moving
We got a new family what moved into Hogspore. They seem like nice folks, name of John and Missy
Culvert. John's a master pastry chef, so he's sure welcome in these parts. I didn't find out what Missy
does but I think I know, since they have ten children.
Everybody's got a story of why they moved here but the Culvert's have a strange one. First off, John
and Missy are big believers in their kids reading as much as they can. The Culverts wouldn't say where
they're from but I did find out that their house burned down. Everybody got out including the four pet
squirrels and one dog. They only had three pet squirrels so they don't know where the other one come
They had insurance so they coulda rebuilt but there's one thing that the insurance didn't cover.
Like I say, they all loved to read. When the house was lost, they had four hundred library books in their
home. The Culvert's had to leave town cause they couldn't pay their library fines.
Morton Trubletoof and me went rabbit hunting a few days ago. I had a .22 rifle and Morton was
using a slingshot. We brought back four bunnies but we left enough for the rest of the hunters, eagles,
owls, coyotes, badgers, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, weasels, raccoons, bears, snakes, ferrets, and random
tire treads. The only thing that's got more enemies than a rabbit is a Robert E. Lee statue.
We wish all our friends in Texas and Florida some better times after the hurricanes. The feller I send
the news to every week to sorta clean it up lives down in the central west coast of Florida. I won't say he's
not smart cause he would probably take that part out ... but he does live in Florida.
This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing
support of our troops. You can contact Clet at firstname.lastname@example.org
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.