The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column
in Rural USA
Hogspore News
                                                                             Hogspore News     
                                                          By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                                                  Observations on the eclipse

     Here’s some observations from two Hogspore citizens on the eclipse. Morton Trubletoof was
wondering, “How come folks was telling me not to stare directly at the sun? I thought the eclipse was
a barbershop on the internet.”

     Agate Robbins commented, “Folks also warned me about the sun. Course, I’m right careful with my
sight cause I’m blind in the right eye. The eclipse was the only time I ever felt grateful for my right eye.
I got to watch the entire deal with that eye.”

     I sez to Agate, “I seen it through special glasses. It got real dark. How was it for you, watching the
eclipse with your blind eye?”

     He said, “Same here; it was real dark for me too.”

     The Equally Challenged Rodeo was here this weekend at the Muleberry County Fairgrounds.
The rodeo matches the rider’s abilities to the animal’s abilities. Limp-along Lemuel showed off his skills
in the Stand-Alone Bull Roping competition against a three-legged bull named Hoofer. Of the two, Lemuel
come in second.

     The good news: He don’t limp no more. Doc Spicer reported, “Once Lemuel recovers from the severe
trouncing by Hoofer and learns to walk again, then he’ll probable regain the use of that limp.”

     I forgot to tell you one more thing about the barbershop discussion on Lost and Found last week. Here’
s what Mumford Pickens said that made Tony kick us outta his shop. “Whenever my dog goes missing, the
first place I look for him is at the Lost and Pound.”

     Here’s my favorite piece of advisement from my Pappy. “Never turn down a doughnut. You will always
regret the doughnuts, what you never had.”

     Listen up; all you school students going out for Sports. This coming Saturday at the high school gym
starting at 9 AM, there’s gonna be an opportunity to get a free sports exam and hernia check. The exam
doctor will be there till 3 PM or till his carpal tunnel syndrome starts kicking in. We all need to thank
Dr. Turnleftandcough for donating his time again.   

     This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops. You can ask Clet Litter a question at


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No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.

Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida
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