The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column
in the Known World.
Hogspore News
                                                                      The Hogspore News     
                                                      By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                                           Wild life in fine shape, is tasty
   Ebben Flow from the Hogspore Water Department completed his annual review of Clear Creek.
“All the tests were normal. The wildlife living in the area and all the fish appear to be in fine shape and
somewhat tasty. The frogs are doing great. Even the tadpoles are mighty motile.” Ebben also teaches a
class at the middle school on Wildlife Reproduction.

   He added, “I conducted several observations throughout the month of June. I want to assure all
the good citizens of Hogspore, and most of the bad ones, that Clear Creek continues to move downhill
as gravity apparently dictates.”

   During the city meeting, Ebben Flow denied an accusation from the audience that his month-long water
study had actually been a city-paid fishing vacation.  

   Mumford Pickens was telling me about a TV show. “I like to watch the public broadcasting channel
while I’m cooking my solar-powered still all day. Yesterday, I took in a documentary on burritos. They
were the first hand-held prepared food in Mexico. Grasshoppers were the first unprepared hand-held
food. Some say grasshoppers taste a lot like young locusts.  

   The Aztec women hated to wash dishes, mostly cause their clay plates usually melted in the dishwater.
This doesn’t mean that Aztec men liked to clean the plates, although they never did mind drying any that
had not disappeared.

   The women would roll up a tortilla with mashed beans. There was some confusion for a while
until everybody figured out not to roll the beans up in a tortoise.

   I knew the show was ending when the director of The History of Burrito Making yelled,
‘That’s a wrap.”’

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of our troops. You can contact Clet at


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Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida
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