Country Humor
The Somewhat Funniest Newspaper Column in the Known World.
                                      Hogspore Community News
                                                           Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                                                   Bloopers from Hee Haw        
                                                               make a nice Father's Day gift

  Town folks celerbrated Father’s Day yesterday. If you gave your Pappy a tie or a pair of socks then you
got one disappointed father, from both the gift and the clueless child he raised. Most men appreciate a
hardware gift card. A real nice present would be a boxed CD set of The Three Stooges or maybe bloopers
from the old Hee Haw Show.      

  Mumford Pickens has a health tip. “If a friend loses consciousness and is still in deep sleep the next day,
it’s okay to feed him a light breakfast. I suggest two slices of ComaToast washed down with a big ol cold
glass of Milk of Amnesia.”

  June is National Accordion Awareness Month. We don’t celerbrate it here in Hogspore. Once you’ve sat
through one accordion recital, you are aware of accordions till you die.

  We do celerbrate National Kissing Day and World Sauntering Day on this date. It’s a beautiful time to
watch the young and older couples sauntering along the shore of Clear Creek, occasionally stopping to
sneak a quick kiss before commencing to saunter again.

  Sheriff Riley Combover watches the crowds to make sure that nobody starts to stroll … cause that’s
when the older folks start misbehaving.

  Preacher was on fire yesterday, (all morning), telling us how the devil appears. First off, he always fine-
tunes his look for each of us. He could appear as warm bed covers on a frosty morn. Satan is a new truck
with unaffordable payments. He could show up as that full collection plate spilling a wad of cash into your
lap, (accidentally and quietly).

  I already know what the devil looks like, so I’m always on guard. He is a friendly good-looking woman
carrying a box of fresh doughnuts. I have a real strong will power to deny the temptation. I sez, “Get thee
behind me, Satan …. but leave the doughnuts.” My will power gets even stronger if there are witnesses
around me.

  Speaking of Old Scratch, the day really flies by when you get out of bed at noon.

  This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops.


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Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida
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