Country Humor
The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
HOGSPORE.COM
                                                            06-12-2017
                                         Hogspore Community News
                                                             Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                                 After a certain age women stop looking older

     I seen the Widow Fenster in the Hogspore’s Sundries and Notions. It’s been over a year since
I’ve seen her. I sez, “Ms Fenster, you’re looking good. You’re just as young as you was a year ago.”  

     Course, the Widow Fenster is 87 and I maintain, (but only to myself), that women stop looking any
older after age 85. A 100-year-old woman is gonna look the same as an 85-year-old woman. She may get
older, feel worse, and slow down, she just don’t look any older.

     I relayed my thoughts on this to my always-young wife. Punkin said, “Clet, You ain’t getting any
younger yourself but, mostly, I think you need to get your eyes checked and rethink your position.”

     I love my wife and I know she loves me, cause she says she does. Course, a good woman can string
along a good man to keep him from leaving. On the other hand, even a good man will lie to keep a bad
woman from leaving.

     I made a mistake last week, yeah another one. I started watching one of them TV judge shows.
Before I had to get up to visit the facilities, I’d already watched five of em.

     The last one showed a guy suing his roommate for leaving the toilet seat up. An early morning
splashdown caused some emergency room bills. The plaintiff, (the one with the wet bottom and
medical bills) was suing the defendant, (the negligent seat lifter), for $60.00 in medical bills.

     The judge ruled that both sides were at fault and ordered the defendant to pay half of the bills.
The defendant was guilty for not putting the toilet seat back down but the plaintiff shouldn’t have been
blind drunk at three in the morning when he tried to drop anchor.

     I told Mumford Pickens about it. He come back a week later and give me a full report on TV court
shows. He might outta get back to making more moonshine and spend less time at the library. Although,
there is a new pretty library assistant that just started there.

     Here’s what Mumford told me: “The first court show was Divorce Court in 1957 and it’s still going.
This was about the same time that the divorce rate started to rise. Back in 1957, if you asked a class of
fifth graders to raise their hand if their parents were divorced, you might get one embarrassed kid to
raise his hand. Their favorite activity in school was waiting for the next emergency Duck and Cover drill.
They all practiced hiding under their desks so a Russian missile wouldn’t melt them.

     If you asked a fifth grade class today, one embarrassed student would raise his hand to show that his
parents were still married. They don’t play Duck and Cover anymore, but if a North Korean missile was
coming, they’d all fall onto their cell phones to save them. (North Korean missiles are just the same as
South Korean missiles, just colder.)”

     This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops.

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