The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Getting out of an argument
I was rounding up the last of my scrambled eggs and grits at the Come-On-Give-Us-One-More-Chance
Diner with Morton Trubletoof, trying to hurry cause he’d already laid siege to a pile of pancakes and
bacon and now, he was eyeing my plate.
My newspaper was between me and his fork so I read him a headline to get his mind off my food: More
Unrest in the Middle East. Morton seen a mattress sale ad on the back of the paper and offered up, “All
that unrest in the Middle East, maybe they just need better beds.”
I heard tell of a Middle East tent called a Bedouin and Breakfast, but I’m not gonna mention it cause it’
s too corny.
Whenever I want to get out of an argument before somebody hurts me, my brain goes into Conflict
Resolution Mode. Generally, it tells me to go home and sit in my recliner in front of a fan till the problem
Mumford Pickens got a new aquarium with a little castle and a deep-sea diver standing next to it.
There’s air bubbles floating up from his helmet. On the other side of the fish tank is a tiny home filled
with six young Ladyfish.
Mumford said, “Clet, I’ve been seeing something real strange for the last four nights. At about
11:30 PM, that sunken sea dog walks across the sand gravel and ambles into the parlor. He comes out
after about an hour, crawls back to his fort, lies down, and takes a nap.”
“Whata you think’s going on?”
He said, “Those Ladyfish are entertaining that diver. The name of the place is The Catfish House,
but it’s probably just a House of Gill Repute.”
There’s not much chance in late September that a medical supply company will hold a Fall Sale on
canes. If they do, they can expect some limp sales.
Don’t slight your momma on Mother’s Day. If you forget her Day, she don’t have the right to whomp
you, but that don’t mean she won’t.
This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops.
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.