The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Lift off for balloon dog fight competition
The whole town is prepping for Saturday’s Hot Air Balloon Dog Fight competition. This year
there’s another category added, The Lawn Chair event. If your craft has vinyl plastic webbing and
hollow aluminum poles, or if you have a letter of explanation duct-taped to your entry that tells the
judges why you don’t have vinyl plastic webbing or hollow aluminum poles, then you qualify.
The entry fee is 20 dollars. The Lawn Chair with Helium Party Balloons non-refundable fee is cash
only. That might give you some kinda hint that you’re not coming back alive.
Nobody has ever survived an accident so the Mayor canceled the expensive ambulance that used to
stand by. There’s gonna be a photographer available for wreckage shots along with some local high school
students sporting plastic body bags and spatulas. A video camera ain’t necessary cause there’s never been
any movement, once a balloon goes down.
Lift-off is at 6:30 AM Saturday on Incompatibility Ridge. There’s a memorial service scheduled after
the balloon launch for Fred Junkerwilks, who died last week when the old fence on the ridge broke and
Fred plunged to his reward.
Be careful when visiting Incompatibility Ridge on Saturday; not all the fence repairs are done.
Fred's ashes will be scattered over the side of the cliff. The Junkerwilks family is hoping for a much
softer landing for Fred’s ashes.
I was bragging to Mumford Pickens about the special ingredient that I add to baby back ribs.
I sez, “I add Sage to my sauce.”
Mumford chuckled like he was gonna say something funny, but he never did. He just said,
“Clet, I think Sage is a wise choice.”
Donald Jay Rickles, WWII U.S. Navy, Rest in Peace
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