The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Pancakes or waffles off the grid
Sometimes Morton Trubletoof will offer up something and you start thinking that he’s not stupid
anymore until it sinks in what he just said. He was negotiating his way through a plate of hotcakes at my
house. I was facing down a warm crisp Belgium waffle.
Morton looked down at the eroding stack. “Clet, my breakfast reminds me of them survivalists up
there in the mountains. You know, pancakes are merely waffles living off the grid.”
Old Man Grimely updated his fancy TV system. He added another separate Digital Video Recorder,
(DVR), for his young wife. I used the term Digital Video Recorder cause I get paid more for using more
words in the news report.
Grimely said, “Now she can watch her Housewives of Muleberry County and I get to record my PBS,
(Public Broadcasting Service), specials like “The Flying Monogamous Squirrels of Nicaragua.” Having two
DVR’s is kinda like a sub sandwich with double meat. Now we’ve got Double Media.”
Jimmy Suspenders had finished off a slab of smoked barbeque ribs. He leaned back and proffered,
“There’s something special about barbeque. It completes me.”
Sara come back with, “Jimmy, I thought it was me that completed you.”
Here’s where Jimmy got in trouble again. He forgot to think first. “Yeah … well, you used to.”
There was some news from the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro. Kalel, a 14-year old
boy, found a 7.44-carat diamond. He named the gem Superman’s Diamond and announced that he was
gonna keep it as a souvenir. Kalel’s name is also comic book Superman’s birth name. His Pappy said they
didn’t realize that when they named their son.
The parents called him Kalel and now the boy wants to keep the stone as a memento. There’s no
need to sell the gem to start a college fund cause it don’t look like this bright boy is headed toward any
This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing
support of our troops.
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.