The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Church mishap due to time change
I forgot to set my clocks ahead yesterday but it seemed to work out all right cause I missed an hour of
Preacher’s sermon yesterday.
I’m gonna have to hide my shaving razors from Punkin. She uses mine whenever she runs out of her
pink Lady Leg Chisels. Even though we think of females as soft, their leg hairs are like a feral Razorback.
After a woman gets hold of a man’s razor, you can safely give it to a baby for a pacifier.
We got us a Clunky Cheese restaurant kiddie arcade out on Highway 71. They’re advertising that they
now have a menu for adults too. You gotta question a decision to add a full self-serve salad bar with five
hundred hopped-up 5-year-olds shoveling out their own food off the salad bar. Them precious little
angels don’t fly under the radar but they can sure cough under a food sneeze shield.
St. Patrick’s Day is a coming on Friday, March 17. It’s a badge of honor if you can remember your
full Irish name on Saturday morning. It don’t count if you remember your name, but you think it’s
Wednesday afternoon. You do, howsomever, get a consolation prize if you regain consciousness on
Saturday morning and state that you are Peepers O’Blurry.
Where do Alaskan hogs go to keep warm? A pigloo.
Here’s Mumford Pickens whiplash-back-to-reality thought: “When has anything ever gone
according to plan?”
This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops.
Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column to be delivered to you each week.
No one will ever know that you read this kind of stuff.