The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Overdue library book is no laughing matter
I’ve been owing a library fine for about six months. It’s bothering me cause I ain’t paid it and now
it’s getting to be so long a time that I’m embarrassed to go pay it.
The fine ain’t but three dollars and 35 cents, so it ain’t gonna affect my lifestyle to pay it. I’ve been
thinking about this more, ever since I seen Head Librarian, Shhhhhhhhhhhhhirley, in the Hogspore
Sundries and Notions last Friday.
Miss Shhhhhhhhhhhhhirley seen me in the store and just gave me the longest meanest stare like I’d
just killed her mother or insulted the Dewey Decimal System. Then she pointed me out to a friend of hers
and then her friend give me the stink eye.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhirley come over to me. “Good afternoon, Mr. Litter. I’m surprised to see you
shopping. I know you must be going through a rough patch cause you haven’t returned your overdue
library book yet.”
Sometimes, when I’m under pressure, I’ll try to make a lame joke so I sez, “What are you gonna do,