The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Valentine’s Day, President’s Day celebrated
I seen a Valentine’s card that had a picture of a kitten. It said, “My Valentines is my cat.” Yeah, well
then your cat’s litter box is your assorted chocolates.
The good folks of Hogspore celerbrated President’s Day yesterday by complaining about everything
they could think of. It didn’t do any good so they all stopped and returned to being the affable and
congenial folks we all love.
Morton Trubletoof has added another product to his website that sells sand spurs. He is offering to
sell and ship boiled eggs right to his customer’s homes. He got the idea by reading the Wall Street Journal
and trying something he called Diversification. Planned Parenthood has already ordered 500 boiled eggs.
They’re adding them to the vending machines in the employee break room.
We celerbrated Bring Your Mule to Work Day last Friday. Late Friday night the streets were full of
mule droppings that smelled like my Aunt Merla a week after she died when we found her slumped over
the butter churn in her barn. Doc Muley speculated that the odor in the streets was from some old hay
that all the mules in town had been eating. Nobody ever found out why Aunt Merla smelled so bad cept
for maybe that it was extra hot the week that she passed and she mighta been a lot older than she let on.
None of the family could eat butter for a year. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she had been
lying on top of a pile of doughnuts. Thank goodness, grandson Benny broke the ice one morning whilst he
was buttering a waffle. We all broke into some raucous laughter when he offered, “Hey, I can’t believe it’s
not Aunt Merla.”
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