Country Humor
The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
                                      Hogspore Community News
                                                          Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                                            School photos need retouched

     Morton Trubletoof told me that when he was in high school getting his school pictures, there was
an option to have them retouched. His Pappy said, “We don’t see the need for Morton to be retouched.
He’s touched enough.”

     The private boy’s school dean in Winslow’s Holler is in charge of taking the annual senior pictures.
They all come back bad so he had to retouch all of them, the pictures, not the boys.

     The new steel dugouts for the Hogspore Little League field are completed. They have concrete floors
suitable for spitting but the structures are all metal. They’re gonna see action in March just as the spring
thunder and lightning storms hit the area.

     Hopefully, the steel flagpoles that will stand on top of each dugout will be installed before the first
rains hit. The city opted not to spend the extra money for lightning rods. What with the players still
wearing those metal cleat shoes, it gives a whole new meaning to ground out in a thunderstorm.   

     Today is National Handwriting Day. Good luck keeping that idea going. I jotted down some notes
on it, but it turns out that I can’t read my own handwriting. There ain’t no more blackboards or cursive
writing. Thank goodness, we still got good grammar being learned to us.  

     Mumford Pickens give me a little lesson on new history that he discovered about Johnny Appleseed. In
his travels across America planting apple trees and seeds, he was secretly a superhero. He went by the
name of Ciderman. Some say he could squirt applesauce from his wrists and could core a bad guy in under
a minute. He also spewed out apple juice from an unknown part of his body, but most historians believe
that he was just incontinent.

     This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-Report’s own continuing support
of our troops.


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Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida
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