The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Hogspore school spelling bee held
Hogspore Elementary School held the Hogspore Spelling Bee last Friday. This year’s theme was a
Tribute to the Teletubbies and the Wiggles.
There was a special added test this year. Principal Imogene Scoggins would call out a word or phrase
and the student would finish it. It started out with easy phrases like “Fruit Salad.” Contestant Billy
Noregard answered correctly with a resounding “Yummy Yummy.”
Little Katy Miscue was eliminated with her answer to “Tinky.” She incorrectly said, “Blinky.” Everyone
under 26 laughed at that because the answer was clearly “Winky.”
The final phrase was “Teletubbies say.” Bryan Bunster got a standing ovation when he sang out
The spelling Bee ended in an unintended grand finale. There was only two contestants left.
Becky Happenstance had just misspelled her word. If Jonathon Thornster could correctly spell the
next word, he would win.
Imogene Scoggins started the final word and musta leaned too far forward over the podium.
She fell off the stage and the podium landed on her newly broken legs. She let out a stream of expletives
for three minutes. Jonathon Thornster repeated the curses and correctly spelled every word. Then he
brought it home by repeating the swear words.
Principal Scoggins announced the Thornster kid as the winner. Then the vice principal dragged his
boss out to the sidewalk to wait for the ambulance.
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