The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Thankful for intelligence this holiday
Granddaughter Evangeline ended the Thanksgiving dinner blessing by saying, “Lord, thank you for
making us all intelligent. Life would be so much harder if we was all stupid. Amen.”
Thanksgiving Day was just as great as it was last year and next year it’s gonna be even better.
Someday, Thanksgiving Day will be so perfect that I’m gonna explode and go on to meet my maker.
Every Thanksgiving night, I have a dream that when I get to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter won’t be there.
A tall turkey dressed in white robes will greet me with my book of life. There’s gonna be page
after page of me dispatching a new turkey every year.
At first, my boyhood dog, Buddy, and Great Grandma are waving at me from the other side. Every time
a page turns, they get farther away. When St. Tom gets to the last page, my Great Grandpappy is waving
me on through another gate. He was quite the hell-raiser in his youth. It should be fun to see him again.
I can see his log cabin and smoke coming out of the smokehouse behind the cabin. I never seen that
much smoke before. Maybe he’s burning trash out back. After I pass through Grandpappy’s gate, it seems
hotter; probably it’s that trash burning out back.
Well, I’ll be damned, I never seen the pond on fire like that before. This is right where I wake up.
I can go back to sleep after I have another piece of that leftover Pumpkin Pie.
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