The most humorous newspaper column in the known world.
| Hogspore Community News
Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
Corn dog withdrawal after county fair ends
The Muleberry County Fair ended last Saturday. Most of the Hogspore men over thirty are now
suffering from the early effects of corn dog withdrawal. There’s a treatment center out on Highway 71
with a controversial approach. They wean you off corn dogs onto a maintenance level of Pronto Pups.
Still, several depressed corn dog addicts have thrown themselves on empty upright corn dog sticks.
Nobody’s been seriously hurt, but there’s been many embarrassing uses of emergency room hospital
Emergency room doctors have been asking, “So tell me again, how did that stick get up there?”
I got to stop spending so much time on the computer. I just finished watching a Monitor Lizard stalk
and catch a squirrel. I had no reason to see it ten times cept that I kept thinking he was going to start
dancing like that dancing baby a few years ago.
It used to be in school on a rainy day in PE, Coach would show us a movie on how the eagle hunts. For
the longest time, I thought coach was trying to teach us how to catch a rabbit, if we had wings and a beak
and steel claws.
The narrator would say, “Well tough luck today, Mr. Eagle. Mr. Bunny escaped so he could go home to
his family. But, Mr. Eagle will be back tomorrow.”
No more warm fuzzy feel-good animal documentaries these days. Mr. Lizard just scurried up some
bushes and snagged a squirrel. He held it for a time like he was showing off or posing for a trophy shot.
Then he swallowed that fluffy rat in thirty seconds. Too bad, so sad.
Sumner’s Pond is closing for the season. It’s a tradition on the last day for Sumner to hold a contest for
the boys to see who can hold his breath underwater the longest.
There is no contest this year cause that stubborn little Timothy Stratton is still down there on the
bottom of the pond making sure that he’s gonna be the winner from last year.
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