Hogspore Community News
                               By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                     Fireworks to be shown in the comfort of city hall

Morton Trubletoof had a bug bite on his arm. I asked him, “What bit you,
a skeeter or a spider?”  

He said, “Naw, but I seen it bite me. It looked like one of them 100-legged

Hogspore is already planning for the Inderpendence Day celerbrations.
Instead of fireworks, the Mayor was trying to think of some way to make
the firecrackers safer. He wants to cancel the live fireworks and just show
a video of fireworks in the cool comfort of the City Hall.

The Mayor changed his mind at the town meeting when Harley Spears
suggested, “A safe place to fire a bottle rocket would be near the backside
of the Mayor’s trousers.” Or, maybe it was the 200 citizens cheering for ten minutes after
Harley made his suggestion on the destination of the bottle rocket.

The Mayor got approval to limit the real bombs bursting in air somewhat
and spend the rest of the money on a two-hour show of fireworks bloopers. One video
shows the last minutes of life for the late Arnold Hodgetucker.

Somehow, his sagging overalls caught up in the grand finale’ explosion and
carried him over Desolation Ridge. He cleared the tallest pine tree by a hundred feet.

Some folks was speculating that he might survive the ride til all the rockets
blew up at the same time and rained down burning embers of cardboard and blender-size
parts of Arnold Hodgetucker. The Mayor promises to keep playing that part of the
bloopers over and over til we all quit laughing.

Forget gun control. This is what we should control the use of: My bad.
I’m gold. I can see myself cooking and enjoying that view. I got your back. Thinking
outside the box. Can you imagine waking up to that view? It is what it is. Bottom line. Now
that’s what I’m talking about. Just sayin’. I misspoke. Chill out. LOL. Hello, I’m sitting
right here. I can’t wrap my head around it. (What are you, an amoeba?). Baby Bump. No
problem. I liked the first one of these, the last one ... not so much.       

If we live long enough, we all get a little hard of hearing. My Grandpappy
called it going deef. We found a cure for Deafness when we changed it to Hearing
Challenged. I noticed during all the presidential candidates’ debates a few months back
that I was getting hard of listening.

Mumford Pickens follows a lot of the rare music these days. Here’s his
comments on a new song. “Robert Mugabe is 92 years and still president
of an African nation. He has a song on YouTube. Bobby Mugabe sings
“I Did It Zimbabwe.”’

This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-
Report’s own continuing support of our troops.


Out of the goodness of my heart and several major arteries, not to
mention the many capillaries that are employed in the peripheral
regions, I am willing to add your e-mail address to my weekly column
e-mail. It's particularly enjoyed by agoraphobics, who still want a good
laugh once a week.

I won't sell or rent your e-mail address ...
because I don't know how to do that.

Just click on my e-mail address below and ask for the weekly column
to be delivered to you each week. No one will ever know that you read
this kind of stuff.

Bob Simpson
Largo, Florida

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