Hogspore Community News
                                 By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson
                                    Difficulties come with New Year

Welcome to MMXV. I’m sorry, I keep writing MMXV from last year.
It’s actually MMXVI.

It looks like we’re in a lot of trouble but we got a while to prepare.
Here’s the bad news. The world is gonna end after MMMCMXCIX,
(3,999). That’s the last of the official Roman Numerals.  

You can find on the Internet that some yokel has figured that we can just
use MMMM for 4,000, but that ain’t right. It goes against the maximum
three-letter deal. “Deal” is the word they used in Roman days to mean
“Concept.” Ok, I had some help with this.

Here’s the symbol that I come up to carry on into 4,000 and beyond.
The letter we need is “W” for 5,000. The year 4,000 will be MW.
This means that we, (somebody else, cause “we” will be dead), can keep
making movies and erecting buildings with cornerstone inscriptions.
Does a funeral home building have a Coronerstone? I didn’t need any help
with “Coronerstone.”

My name is Clet Litter and I lay claim to the letter W. For you scholars,
the year 19,999 will be WWWMWCMXCIX.

After that, the living voters finally elect a Republican president into office
and we go back to I. Ok, I had help with all of this and my head still hurts.

When somebody sneezes in our family, we say, “God Bless You.”
Granddaughter Evangeline insists on us saying “God Bless you”
when she sneezes. If she honks six times in a row, the closest relative
has to shout out, "God Bless you," six times.  

According to Evangeline, it’s not correct for us to shout out, "God Bless
you, times six." We actually have to say “God Bless you” out loud, six times
in a row.

Her mother was like that. When she was 19, she got married and had
Evangeline. Then she left to become a lonely prospector roaming Australia,
taking allergy pills and mining for the next big Bauxite strike.

Evangeline now is worried that if she sneezes when she is at school or
outside in the pasture looking for Bauxite, we won’t be able to respond.

I know what you’re thinking, besides
“She should just get used to it,”
is "What if we give her a bunch of 'God Bless you’s' every morning so
she could have some stored up for the day?"

Using Evangeline’s new vocabulary school words, she said, “I summarily
dismiss that idea.”

Mumford Pickens offered up a solution and it’s working right well.
When she sneezes away from the house, she texts us a message on
her phone, “AC or AC x 6.”

We reply with “GBU or GBU x 6.”

If she don’t get over this by the end of her schooling, then she’s getting
a graduation gift of a pick, a shovel, and a one-way plane ticket to

This column donates its proceeds and joins with the Columbus News-
Report’s own continuing support of our troops.


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